Short Strokes for the Road
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| "Bird Choir" by Circe Denyer from publicdomainpictures.net |
By Judith Cullen
© 2015
Pigeons and Seagulls
Do they function with intent? Is there malice of forethought, a winged
lottery in which specific cars are selected for “anointing.”?
Certainly, some locations are more “bomb enabled” than
others. Like the billboard that was
situated over the drive through of my favorite Greek restaurant. You were always taking you paint job in your
hands to get that gyro and fries. I was never as happy as when the restaurant
moved across the street.
I was parked outside the office building where I work as a
contractor, and came out one sunny April afternoon to discover that my turn in
the bird bomb lottery had finally come about.
It felt like the poop was glowing and radioactive as I drove the 31
miles up the interstate home. Did
everybody notice? Were people pointing
and giggling, feeling superior because it was not their car that was speeding
along, polka-dotted with droppings?
When I got home I realized that it did not look nearly as
bad from outside the car. It was not phosphorescing and there was no nuclear
humming in the background, like a 1950’s b-movie. I wiped off some especially egregious bits and
resolved to deal with it the next day.
The next day brought a trip to the mechanic for non-bird
related reasons, and the car spent the next five days there. When I went to pick it up and pay the bill,
it had been hit again. More bird shit.
Bonus bird shit! My imagination stretched itself between disbelief and
ridiculous humor.
(Two birds flying overhead) “Hey Ralphie! Isn’t that the gold Sentra we blasted down
south last week?”
(Ralph squints) “Well, I’ll be an oyster’s shell Bucky, it
is the same car!”
(Insert evil birdie chuckling) “Whadaya say Ralphie, shall we? Are you up
for it?”
“I was born ‘up for it’ me Bucko!”
(Tremendous squirting noise)
I paid for the car repairs, got in my freshly speckled car,
and drove away praying fervently for a hard rain.
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Enjoy another freeway-related cartoon, which has added inspiration to the process of trying to take a humorously objective view of life on the freeway.... Disney's "Motor Mania" from 1950
IMPORTANT NOTE: The sharing of this video in this post in no way reflects, nor should be construed to indicate, the support or endorsement by the Walt Disney Company of this, or any other book by this author.
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